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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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corporalusmc

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corporalusmc
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1479
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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corporalusmc's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

#4619260 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (61168) - you deserved it (4233)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

#4350390 (248)

I agree, your life sucks (17887) - you deserved it (43943)

On 08/07/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by scaredshitless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML

#4344538 (110)

I agree, your life sucks (32045) - you deserved it (5700)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats & turntable scratches. FML

#4344107 (80)

I agree, your life sucks (30911) - you deserved it (4940)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:22pm - work - by Jacky-Boy (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

#4342060 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (52544) - you deserved it (5926)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

#4337327 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (35743) - you deserved it (1779)

On 08/06/2009 at 3:22pm - love - by DravensMommy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

#4331370 (815)

I agree, your life sucks (656) - you deserved it (278766)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by who_could_it_be - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

#4330771 (221)

I agree, your life sucks (14625) - you deserved it (76741)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:27am - misc - by Cowan - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

#4330249 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (69505) - you deserved it (14724)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

#4328474 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (19147) - you deserved it (28139)

On 08/06/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML

#4308181 (309)

I agree, your life sucks (21850) - you deserved it (59844)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

#4156133 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (9010) - you deserved it (35574)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:02am - intimacy - by BrokenVow (woman) - Canada (British Columbia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#4155124 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (17495) - you deserved it (39961)

On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

#2525749 (350)

I agree, your life sucks (38450) - you deserved it (15832)

On 06/02/2009 at 4:42am - misc - by holliefall (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I finally decided to tell him I love him. He told me that he loved me too... like a sister! The love of my life has been sleeping with his "sister" for three months. FML

#653617 (118)

I agree, your life sucks (54275) - you deserved it (3355)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:15pm - love - by Samsonites (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)