cornered

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cornered

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 649
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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cornered's page activity

Visits<b>muzy</b> - the 01/11/2012 at 12:29pm

cornered's FML badges

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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cornered's favorite FMLs

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 9:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

by G / 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML

by ...... / 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML

by katt_is_here / 10/02/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Colorado) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 3:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 9:17am / United States / Love

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

by socks / 09/21/2011 at 3:01am / United States / Animals

Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML

by ohmaigawd / 09/14/2011 at 12:59pm / Argentina / Intimacy

Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I can save up my used tampons for him. FML

by fashionista1787 / 09/11/2011 at 11:23pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

by foreseeingabreakup / 09/06/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy