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cookookachoo

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cookookachoo

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  • Number of visits : 675
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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cookookachoo's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

#4803927
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14037) - you deserved it (58082)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away. Four Red Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving halfway across the country to find your girlfriend in bed with another guy? FML

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

#3971516
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50997) - you deserved it (3915)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - kids - by bbbkingsey (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

#3967657
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69430) - you deserved it (4237)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62349) - you deserved it (2359)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

#2821458
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69472) - you deserved it (3730)

On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

#2387828
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61369) - you deserved it (5014)

On 05/28/2009 at 9:32pm - misc - by Jeanine (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

#1719560
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115206) - you deserved it (5643)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23616) - you deserved it (105506)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

#718937
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (129524) - you deserved it (14556)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

#644152
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75437) - you deserved it (4263)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by unitywoods (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then proceded to joke about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

#627489
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16392) - you deserved it (108868)

On 03/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by biggmouth - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

#526932
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95553) - you deserved it (7224)

On 03/22/2009 at 5:05am - intimacy - by trina (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the cross walk. Suddenly I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

#174723
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13793) - you deserved it (46408)

On 03/01/2009 at 8:09pm - misc - by jazojigga (man) - United States (California)



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