About containsnosoy : tiger.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33309) - you deserved it (6929)
On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)
Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11296) - you deserved it (1748)
On 01/26/2009 at 8:32pm - love - by kai - United States (California)
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5101) - you deserved it (47788)
On 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by crazyvulva9216 - United States (California)
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39238) - you deserved it (1837)
On 01/26/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by Noname - Japan (Fukuoka)
Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12847) - you deserved it (60645)
On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States
Today, my girlfriend threw my things out. As I was trying to pack to leave for good, she tossed my wireless router. I leave to call someone to pick me up, she slaps me in my head, grabs keys, balls up her fist and threatens to kill me. I call the cops... and I get put in the cop car immediately. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26096) - you deserved it (1781)
On 01/26/2009 at 9:46am - love - by Dark Jew - United States (California)
Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18743) - you deserved it (2614)
On 01/25/2009 at 9:51pm - kids - by ThatsNotRight - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML
I agree, your life sucks (11475) - you deserved it (3052)
On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19523) - you deserved it (1429)
On 01/24/2009 at 5:41am - love - by NJ - United States (Michigan)
Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28438) - you deserved it (17688)
On 01/24/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by David3000 - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50284) - you deserved it (6943)
On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)
Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37917) - you deserved it (6429)
On 01/22/2009 at 6:27pm - love - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16652) - you deserved it (1907)
On 01/22/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by TotallyFkd - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16150) - you deserved it (1018)
On 01/20/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by - Sent from mobile version
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23283) - you deserved it (1256)
On 01/19/2009 at 6:12am - love - by f'ed_over - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 17 June 2013
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