cohofourtyfour

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Offline (the 04/28/2016 at 3:17pm)

cohofourtyfour

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 10 May 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2245
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cohofourtyfour's page activity

Visits<b>mimi_tenten</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 10:42pm<b>funky2525</b> - the 01/28/2013 at 9:00am

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cohofourtyfour's favorite FMLs

Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML

by farmingman / 04/14/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2016 at 11:44am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML

by mommyopps / 03/25/2016 at 10:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML

by anon / 12/04/2015 at 7:32pm / United States / Kids

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 12:41pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that read, "How to lose 25lbs". I was eating a large slice of pie when I opened the email. FML

by scorned ex / 10/16/2015 at 11:29pm / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2015 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

by not impressed / 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML

by :| / 09/26/2015 at 12:10am / New Zealand (Nelson) / Kids

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2015 at 11:00am / South Africa / Kids

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 5:32am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

by Nigel / 07/13/2015 at 5:15pm / United States / Intimacy