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cobaltjedi

Offline (the 02/07/2016 at 11:15pm) | Search for a member

cobaltjedi

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 8 October 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 855
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cobaltjedi : ummm...

cobaltjedi's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of cobaltjedi's badges

cobaltjedi's favorite FMLs

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

#20526546
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12245) - you deserved it (39881)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

#20523671
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47235) - you deserved it (5873)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41764) - you deserved it (3298)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

#20492510
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36939) - you deserved it (6268)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

#20421624
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37529) - you deserved it (2897)

On 12/25/2012 at 3:59pm - misc - by really mature, GRAN (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

#20125284
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23716) - you deserved it (5078)

On 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by nahalDZ - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

#20121974
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28305) - you deserved it (2585)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:58am - work - by satanworshipper - United States (Florida)

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

#20121409
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27825) - you deserved it (2231)

On 10/17/2012 at 7:15pm - kids - by Mouse (woman) -

Today, for the second time, I met the man I'm having an arranged marriage with in 3 months. I'd previously met him last night, while he was mugging me. FML

#20120711
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42760) - you deserved it (3153)

On 10/17/2012 at 6:15am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

#20106911
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33670) - you deserved it (4311)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by juliette (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

#20026086
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27983) - you deserved it (1856)

On 08/17/2012 at 7:26am - animals - by byegeorge (woman) - United Kingdom (Hounslow)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
533 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13891) - you deserved it (169629)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20681) - you deserved it (39809)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

#19915477
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6541) - you deserved it (58132)

On 07/09/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by jillie minaj (woman) - United States



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