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cmac86's favorite FMLs
Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML
by thefuck / 06/30/2013 at 6:08pm / Ireland (Cavan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2013 at 6:58am / United States (Maryland) / Love
by TooYoungForThis / 06/30/2013 at 12:36am / Canada / Health
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
by whipplewhip / 06/30/2013 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 11:09am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML
by authorx / 06/27/2013 at 12:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML
by LyraAlluse / 06/26/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML
by vbecka / 06/26/2013 at 1:08pm / Norway (Oslo) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 1:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by thanksdoc / 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML
by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 4:26pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays
by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML
by unknown / 06/12/2013 at 1:33pm / United States (California) / Health
- Today, i was asked to keep a bottle of coke in my backpack while we were walking in the park. Half… Today, while messaging this guy I like on Facebook, I learned that you can set an emoji as the name… Today, after waiting weeks to hear back from his insurance agency, I got a call telling me that the…