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Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33720) - you deserved it (9637)
On 02/20/2009 at 12:27am - work - by muffinmen1022 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I told my college friend that I considered her to be my best friend. She responded, "I don't think you should call me that." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29385) - you deserved it (2860)
On 02/20/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by Oh dear... (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44112) - you deserved it (7003)
On 02/19/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by Skido (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46027) - you deserved it (2634)
On 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43429) - you deserved it (4286)
On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML
I agree, your life sucks (34764) - you deserved it (6286)
On 02/18/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by Fack. (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21157) - you deserved it (52701)
On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14993) - you deserved it (22260)
On 02/17/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by noname (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (182952) - you deserved it (61946)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7955) - you deserved it (57854)
On 02/16/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39738) - you deserved it (5128)
On 02/16/2009 at 12:45am - animals - by Ugh - United States (California)
Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10689) - you deserved it (21191)
On 02/16/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by thedullard (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my religious girlfriend of 8 months finally lets me have sex with her. She invites me over, and just when we are about to do it, her dad comes home from work 3 hours early. She said it is a sign from God that we have to wait. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56331) - you deserved it (16214)
On 02/15/2009 at 6:49pm - intimacy - by naynay007 (man) - United States
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23567) - you deserved it (36695)
On 02/15/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32102) - you deserved it (5098)
On 02/15/2009 at 4:27pm - misc - by efffmylife - United States (Oklahoma)
Monday 17 June 2013
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