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100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML
I agree, your life sucks (34692) - you deserved it (6279)
On 02/18/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by Fack. (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20306) - you deserved it (48467)
On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14977) - you deserved it (22211)
On 02/17/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by noname (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177257) - you deserved it (61345)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7938) - you deserved it (57763)
On 02/16/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39675) - you deserved it (5124)
On 02/16/2009 at 12:45am - animals - by Ugh - United States (California)
Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10643) - you deserved it (21154)
On 02/16/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by thedullard (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my religious girlfriend of 8 months finally lets me have sex with her. She invites me over, and just when we are about to do it, her dad comes home from work 3 hours early. She said it is a sign from God that we have to wait. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56244) - you deserved it (16192)
On 02/15/2009 at 6:49pm - intimacy - by naynay007 (man) - United States
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23531) - you deserved it (36620)
On 02/15/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32031) - you deserved it (5088)
On 02/15/2009 at 4:27pm - misc - by efffmylife - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32031) - you deserved it (5088)
On 02/15/2009 at 4:27pm - misc - by efffmylife - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34231) - you deserved it (4390)
On 02/15/2009 at 6:35am - misc - by cjk004 - United States (California)
Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentines Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34104) - you deserved it (2035)
On 02/15/2009 at 5:12am - misc - by kolgate (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48044) - you deserved it (9053)
On 02/15/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by Noname - United States
Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59467) - you deserved it (5943)
On 02/14/2009 at 7:38pm - misc - by NeverCampingAgain (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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