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Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50048) - you deserved it (5483)
On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)
Today, after I had filled up my car and got into it I saw a cute guy running towards me. I flashed a smile and left the door open and said "hey" when he was next to me. He said, "the pump is still attached to your car, you really should be more careful." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4548) - you deserved it (35157)
On 02/23/2009 at 11:29pm - misc - by sillyrabbit (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I celebrated my birthday with my friend who has the same birthday by going out to dinner with a bunch of our friends. The waiter brought out a cake for my friend but not for me. No one noticed my exclusion. I sang happy birthday on my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47244) - you deserved it (2594)
On 02/22/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by jet8725 - United States (Virginia)
Today, after weeks of agonising, I told my best friend (who I am madly in love with) that I love her. She said: "me too, you're like a brother and a best girlfriend rolled into one!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45121) - you deserved it (3579)
On 02/22/2009 at 5:01am - love - by Reaper - South Africa (Western Cape)
Today, after weeks of agonising, I told my best friend (who I am madly in love with) that I love her. She said: "me too, you're like a brother and a best girlfriend rolled into one!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45121) - you deserved it (3579)
On 02/22/2009 at 5:01am - love - by Reaper - South Africa (Western Cape)
Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47646) - you deserved it (3056)
On 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm - health - by Vince (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31731) - you deserved it (7579)
On 02/21/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by taperjeangirl - United States (Washington)
Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37502) - you deserved it (9393)
On 02/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by goddamitme (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36725) - you deserved it (2047)
On 02/21/2009 at 6:22am - work - by Lily (woman) - United States (California)
Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38401) - you deserved it (9302)
On 02/21/2009 at 2:30am - love - by schellbytheseashore (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, a girl I really liked mentioned she's home alone and that she was really really lonely. She offered for me to come over and watch a few movies with her, and as I got prepared to leave she sent me a text saying " can you pick up my friend Spencer? " FML
I agree, your life sucks (36790) - you deserved it (2211)
On 02/20/2009 at 9:42pm - love - by batman123 (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13666) - you deserved it (91244)
On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7550) - you deserved it (41068)
On 02/20/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by Ava777 (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (61397) - you deserved it (2558)
On 02/20/2009 at 4:24am - misc - by OutoftheLoop (woman) - China (Beijing)
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (651982) - you deserved it (12078)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)
Monday 20 May 2013
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