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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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cierraxxmist

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cierraxxmist
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 157
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cierraxxmist's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

#18936421 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (9498) - you deserved it (755)

On 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm - love - by Shelly P. (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

#18760852 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (31321) - you deserved it (1351)

On 01/09/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by liLbob6598 - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML

#18482444 (271)

I agree, your life sucks (19353) - you deserved it (10894)

On 12/11/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by Embarrassed Swimmer (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

#18479276 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (13733) - you deserved it (970)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at my job in the cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like you. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML

#17999888 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (9709) - you deserved it (1639) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/16/2011 at 5:08pm - work - by Mayabie - France

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

#17994746 (283)

I agree, your life sucks (28581) - you deserved it (3363)

On 10/16/2011 at 12:22am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

#17977433 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (19657) - you deserved it (7131)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:10pm - misc - by Cassandra (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423 (43)

I agree, your life sucks (21566) - you deserved it (6059)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

#17213168 (407)

I agree, your life sucks (7733) - you deserved it (64855)

On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

#16892674 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (32506) - you deserved it (2533)

On 06/28/2011 at 2:39am - intimacy - by girlshavepenises (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire & Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML

#16724592 (226)

I agree, your life sucks (10620) - you deserved it (36554)

On 06/18/2011 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Khrixas_069 - United States (California)

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334 (305)

I agree, your life sucks (9222) - you deserved it (41277)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

#12849732 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (28829) - you deserved it (2796)

On 09/01/2010 at 2:16am - intimacy - by Jill Shanks - United States

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

#12838933 (290)

I agree, your life sucks (46113) - you deserved it (2835)

On 08/31/2010 at 2:07pm - intimacy - by ashlee (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

#12836221 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (8123) - you deserved it (33116)

On 08/31/2010 at 9:13am - intimacy - by weezel (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)