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Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5383) - you deserved it (26366)
On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26452) - you deserved it (1659)
On 11/10/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33482) - you deserved it (1387)
On 08/23/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by violatedinden (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32444) - you deserved it (3190)
On 08/08/2009 at 3:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12621) - you deserved it (31435)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54786) - you deserved it (5426)
On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I forgot my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35323) - you deserved it (4146)
On 07/15/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I spend two hours inside a bar talking about how I never worry about my boyfriend cheating on me when he travels for work. Everyone told me I was lucky to have such a great relationship. When we all decided to go out on the patio for a smoke, we saw him making out with someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47556) - you deserved it (7345)
On 07/13/2009 at 6:09pm - love - by sykotoaster (man) - United States
Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9378) - you deserved it (52221)
On 07/04/2009 at 5:56pm - animals - by SwordFish8 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9672) - you deserved it (39515)
On 07/02/2009 at 12:42am - love - by dork - United States (Florida)
Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83474) - you deserved it (3823)
On 07/01/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by kewlio45 - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42498) - you deserved it (16274)
On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29938) - you deserved it (5080)
On 06/14/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by LP (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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