Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cartedor

Search for a member

cartedor
  • Town/Country : London, UK
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1539
  • Number of comments : 151
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

cartedor's last visitors

WelshiteohhhhhhhhhyeahtimtamslamxCommanderturkturkington

cartedor's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of cartedor's badges

cartedor's favorite FMLs

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

#20496769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37250) - you deserved it (2249)

On 02/07/2013 at 4:51am - misc - by fviz (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

#20496085
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18832) - you deserved it (35965)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by dab1230 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

#20495286
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38900) - you deserved it (3273)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by frustrated! (woman) - United States

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21502) - you deserved it (7633)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

#20493182
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64186) - you deserved it (3545)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hamandegger (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was washing the dishes at work. I had to pee really bad but first I wanted to finish the dishes. A coworker jumped out from behind the ice machine. I screamed like a girl and pissed my pants. FML

#20492292
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20158) - you deserved it (3624)

On 02/03/2013 at 10:50pm - work - by klovemachine (man) - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

#20492051
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23659) - you deserved it (2565)

On 02/03/2013 at 8:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

#20491267
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26308) - you deserved it (2610)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:58am - misc - by wetqueefa (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

#20491168
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25260) - you deserved it (6885)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

#20490079
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35952) - you deserved it (8598)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

#20489969
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32938) - you deserved it (3606)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:21am - misc - by footfetish - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

#20489830
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24267) - you deserved it (5214)

On 02/02/2013 at 1:57am - misc - by merp. (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

#20489402
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54829) - you deserved it (3255)

On 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by thoughtidseenitall (man) - United States (Colorado)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: