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cartedor

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cartedor

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2235
  • Number of comments : 185
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cartedor's favorite FMLs

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

#328244
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67247) - you deserved it (8822)

On 03/14/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by evanescence (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

#260451
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88657) - you deserved it (26941)

On 03/10/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Sarah - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

#243465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42546) - you deserved it (17698)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

#211586
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80674) - you deserved it (4811)

On 03/04/2009 at 9:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

#205894
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52957) - you deserved it (20570)

On 03/04/2009 at 11:24am - intimacy - by hoovered (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML

#171559
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59666) - you deserved it (13017)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm - kids - by hi (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

#135663
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22433) - you deserved it (35112)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

#86332
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68569) - you deserved it (3070)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:24am - misc - by OutoftheLoop (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

#53082
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9904) - you deserved it (69020)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

#997
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29715) - you deserved it (7871)

On 01/12/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by LiLGeek - United States (California)

Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML

#527
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31735) - you deserved it (1925)

On 12/16/2008 at 11:10pm - misc - by bloom - Sent from mobile version

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

#385
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6890) - you deserved it (30179)

On 11/25/2008 at 1:54am - intimacy - by TomPom - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

#331
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24572) - you deserved it (8274)

On 11/18/2008 at 11:54am - love - by zevil - Peru (Lima)



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