- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Mister
- Birth Date : Not specified
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 6935
- Number of comments : 290
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted
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Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML
by Embarassedd / 11/26/2009 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML
by pchis4ever / 11/20/2009 at 1:30pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML
by Cellphonetroubles / 11/19/2009 at 2:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML
by whatthewhat / 11/18/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML
by Paramedic / 11/17/2009 at 6:16am / United Kingdom (Rochdale) / Work
Today, I had a surprise birthday party thrown in my honor. All of my friends and family had been invited, and all of the details were perfect. Who threw the party for me? My ex-girlfriend who I dumped last week for "not being thoughtful enough." FML
by Anonymous / 11/16/2009 at 9:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, as a customer was trying on some outfits, I looked over at her husband for his opinion. The response I got? Him licking his lips. Just then his wife looked up to see me gawking at him in shock. She yelled at me to close my legs and stop checking out her man. FML
by Yapanesedidwhat / 11/16/2009 at 2:00am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 3:42am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML
by helluvasinger / 11/12/2009 at 6:00am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Miscellaneous
Today, my guidance counselor told me that I did a really good job playing someone who was really airheaded in my school's play. I wasn't trying to act like an airhead, the director told me that I got cast for the part because the character I was playing was "just like me". FML
by Airhead / 11/06/2009 at 2:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was using the only stall left in a public restroom; a handicap stall. As I sat down to do my business, I felt something warm dripping down my leg. I looked down to see me urinating on myself through the raised seat. FML
by JynxQueen / 10/30/2009 at 9:36pm / Miscellaneous
by Queen_of_Night / 10/27/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML
by DumpedHisAss / 10/14/2009 at 11:19am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Work