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cartedor

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cartedor

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2246
  • Number of comments : 185
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cartedor's favorite FMLs

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

#8292337
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30093) - you deserved it (3797)

On 02/15/2010 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML

#7932396
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25024) - you deserved it (12873)

On 02/06/2010 at 10:19am - animals - by sadcat (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

#7662711
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5906) - you deserved it (25999)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:10am - work - by ke (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

#7631341
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31680) - you deserved it (6378)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by Crap (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

#7469171
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6641) - you deserved it (40892)

On 01/21/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by im_radd (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

#7304423
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32628) - you deserved it (2830)

On 01/12/2010 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by notasgood (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading "Protect Your Nuts". My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then punched me in the balls. FML

#7227808
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10012) - you deserved it (37519)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by squirrel (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

#7163475
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23655) - you deserved it (6186)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:58pm - misc - by SplashOuch (woman) - United States

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

#7056556
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34187) - you deserved it (3345)

On 12/31/2009 at 12:33pm - love - by lifesux (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML

#7027797
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31131) - you deserved it (2174)

On 12/30/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by planes - United States (Oregon)

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

#6968150
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28713) - you deserved it (3597)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I backed out of the driveway of our newly built home. Being unfamiliar with the driveway, I ended up getting bogged in the mud and slid halfway down the steep slope of the front yard, trying free myself. I haven't met my neighbours yet. They stood in their front lawns watching me. FML

#6967912
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17977) - you deserved it (3563)

On 12/27/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by jaded_woman (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend told his parents about my bondage fetish. In front of me. FML

#6952293
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17678) - you deserved it (3172)

On 12/26/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML

#6894646
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24602) - you deserved it (1820)

On 12/23/2009 at 12:03am - work - by Chris (man) - United States (California)



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