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cartedor

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cartedor
  • Town/Country : London, UK
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1532
  • Number of comments : 151
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cartedor's FML badges

Socialite

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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cartedor's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

#16074104
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16156) - you deserved it (37261)

On 05/07/2011 at 12:46am - love - by littlegirl - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

#16057937
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56740) - you deserved it (4509)

On 05/05/2011 at 5:04pm - kids - by Monika (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me until I heard, "Honey, what did you make me for dinner?" FML

#15986605
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33601) - you deserved it (3461)

On 04/30/2011 at 2:27am - love - by greenintheface - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

#15896670
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41011) - you deserved it (6674)

On 04/23/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by nightDREAMERms (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

#15846054
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43472) - you deserved it (5465)

On 04/19/2011 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

#15647820
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10147) - you deserved it (38681)

On 04/05/2011 at 3:47am - misc - by stairmaster -

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

#15636235
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37384) - you deserved it (10493)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Abyssal (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

#15632793
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30142) - you deserved it (2878)

On 04/04/2011 at 6:15am - love - by lonely (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67726) - you deserved it (14665)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

#15408372
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29470) - you deserved it (5913)

On 03/20/2011 at 11:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML

#15264127
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28108) - you deserved it (2813)

On 03/10/2011 at 4:42pm - love - by dumped (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

#15247228
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34054) - you deserved it (3126)

On 03/09/2011 at 12:36am - work - by Cashier (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

#14699033
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30983) - you deserved it (9095)

On 01/24/2011 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Limalia (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

#14669069
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22059) - you deserved it (4808)

On 01/22/2011 at 12:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

#14653951
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38379) - you deserved it (3258)

On 01/20/2011 at 8:15pm - love - by fianceeless (man) - United States (California)



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