cartedor

Search for a member

Offline (the 10/14/2015 at 10:01pm)

cartedor

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7962
  • Number of comments : 290
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

cartedor's page activity

Visits<b>skylanderninja</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 5:16pm<b>cloes</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 3:54pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 9:58pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 4:10pm<b>TEZZ</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 4:15pm<b>Thatrand0mguy</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 10:10am<b>BBeffedmylife</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 7:36pm<b>lakeiishaa205</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 4:14pm<b>boredkidlulz</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 12:48pm<b>lazydaysss</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 10:57pm<b>McRxXxMcR</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 8:47pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 6:25pm<b>mikester10723</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 6:10am<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 7:54pm<b>DArthurVaderian</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 8:00pm<b>Ashfal</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 10:27pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 10:13pm<b>ohhhhhhhhhyeah</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 1:33am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 2:58am

cartedor's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of cartedor's badges

cartedor's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 6:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

by Nana / 10/22/2012 at 11:39am / Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2012 at 4:42am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML

by IcantDance! / 10/01/2012 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

by N/A / 09/25/2012 at 12:13am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

by holymoly / 09/05/2012 at 2:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

by Emma / 09/04/2012 at 5:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

by screamer / 09/02/2012 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

by rejected4555 / 08/03/2012 at 8:14am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

by guy / 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw, and the waiters had to call 911. FML

by cherknobil / 07/29/2012 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2012 at 1:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

by Oh dear / 07/05/2012 at 6:15pm / Saint Vincent and the Grenadines (Saint George) / Miscellaneous