cartedor

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Offline (the 10/14/2015 at 10:01pm)

cartedor

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6676
  • Number of comments : 290
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cartedor's page activity

Visits<b>skylanderninja</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 5:16pm<b>cloes</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 3:54pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 9:58pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 4:10pm<b>TEZZ</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 4:15pm<b>Thatrand0mguy</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 10:10am<b>BBeffedmylife</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 7:36pm<b>lakeiishaa205</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 4:14pm<b>boredkidlulz</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 12:48pm<b>lazydaysss</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 10:57pm<b>McRxXxMcR</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 8:47pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 6:25pm<b>mikester10723</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 6:10am<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 7:54pm<b>DArthurVaderian</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 8:00pm<b>Ashfal</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 10:27pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 10:13pm<b>ohhhhhhhhhyeah</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 1:33am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 2:58am

cartedor's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of cartedor's badges

cartedor's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

by Shuttie / 01/18/2013 at 7:55am / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Love

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

by dormeur / 01/18/2013 at 6:39am / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 5:50am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

by What a happy day / 01/14/2013 at 12:36pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

by badenoughflowers / 01/14/2013 at 10:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

by shiney100893 / 01/14/2013 at 7:56am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 3:24am / United States (Montana) / Love

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

by Abendigo77 / 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

by anon / 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

by Mary / 01/13/2013 at 10:49am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

by hiccups / 01/13/2013 at 1:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids