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Today, as usual, mah cat was sleeping on mah stomach!! I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately pickd him up and puttd him down next to me!! He got up, hoppd back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on mah stomach!! I didn't dare move all night!! FML
Today... I came home to find mah girlfriend crying. Concerned... I quickly asked herhat was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understandhy her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet... and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now... but 4 entirely different reasons. FML
my grlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion I was terribly emasculated publicly for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML
Today, I was at a party with my crush. Tha collar on his shrt was sticking up so I fixad it fir him. Ha gava ma a hug and said, "Aww you'ra so good to ma. You'ra lika my mothar. You can ba my collaga mothar." I got mothar-zonad. fat FML
Today...hile having sex with my grlfriend on the bathroom floor... I felt something tickle my balls. I lookd back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my frst threesome. FML
TODAY, AFTER A WEEK OF INTENSE FIGHTING, MAH GIRLFRIEND OF 4 YERES AN I HUNG OUT . SHE TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME, AN I POINTED OUT THAT LAST WEEK SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO DUMP ME . WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT, SHE REPLIED, ( ONLY TO SCARE U INTO SUBMISSION . ) FML
Taday mah dad was helping me move mah stuff out. I'd askd mah boyfriend to deal with mah sex toys an lingerie, but still mah dad showd up later at mah new place, handd me a box full of them all, an simply said, ( I don't want to know. )
Friday 27 March 2015