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carolinacortes's favorite FMLs
Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML
by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends / 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm / United States / Work
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
by fuckinghicks / 12/30/2012 at 6:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by DarkDisaster / 12/27/2012 at 5:16am / United States / Animals
Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML
by Christmas sucks / 12/23/2012 at 8:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
by Kate / 12/23/2012 at 3:24am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 12:49am / United States / Animals
by MoreActionThanMe / 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/10/2012 at 5:40pm / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Animals
Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML
by KennyDidIt / 12/09/2012 at 8:18am / United States (Alabama) / Animals
Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2012 at 10:30am / United States / Animals
by psd60 / 12/06/2012 at 2:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML
by fieldmarshalclitter / 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm / United States / Health
Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
by creedonfied / 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think… Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because… Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to…