About captenawesome : Although I don't enjoy most people's company, I enjoy their misfortunes.
captenawesome's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
captenawesome's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2015 at 6:54pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/21/2015 at 8:12am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Intimacy
by aishyaslife89 / 10/06/2015 at 6:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
Today, I saw my ex boyfriend walking down the street in my direction. I've put on a bunch of weight since we broke up, so I turned to look in the nearest shop window, hoping he wouldn't notice. Unfortunately he did see me, looking straight at a KFC. FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2015 at 8:16am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love
Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML
by anonymous / 09/13/2015 at 11:34am / Luxembourg / Work
Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML
by I didn't though / 09/10/2015 at 12:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
by annonymous / 09/07/2015 at 4:56pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 9:26am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
by babbling idiot / 08/14/2015 at 5:35am / Canada / Work
by ssjfml / 08/11/2015 at 10:56am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2015 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 12:02am / United States (Oregon) / Money
by fishingforubies2 / 07/24/2015 at 10:02am / Aruba / Work
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…