About Captenawesome
Although I don't enjoy most people's company, I enjoy their misfortunes.
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Captenawesome's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 22 August 2014 22:18 / United States - Indianapolis

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

By Anonymous / Thursday 31 July 2014 16:24 / United States - Dallas

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

By confusing - / Friday 6 June 2014 19:00 / Zimbabwe

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

By possibly fucked - / Sunday 22 June 2014 20:34 / Portugal - Lisbon

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 18 June 2014 19:06 / United States - Lake Wales