About canybean : I read FMLs to fall asleep at night.
canybean's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
canybean's favorite FMLs
Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2011 at 5:55am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML
by welly223 / 01/20/2011 at 1:01am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML
by fml / 01/18/2011 at 8:49pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Animals
Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 11:44am / Switzerland / Health
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 2:09am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 3:25am / United States (Connecticut) / Animals
by morenita27 / 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm / Canada / Work
by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 12:30pm / United States (Alaska) / Work
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…