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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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canvas

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canvas
  • Town/Country : Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 171
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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canvas's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920 (248)

I agree, your life sucks (26654) - you deserved it (1451)

On 02/02/2012 at 6:32am - misc - by aliezzedine (man) - Lebanon

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595 (410)

I agree, your life sucks (26292) - you deserved it (3152)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

#17448380 (282)

I agree, your life sucks (19531) - you deserved it (1682)

On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

#17361677 (204)

I agree, your life sucks (12871) - you deserved it (737)

On 08/04/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by whatnot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

#16411122 (298)

I agree, your life sucks (28224) - you deserved it (15793)

On 05/30/2011 at 12:19am - love - by weddingblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

#13027296 (264)

I agree, your life sucks (30131) - you deserved it (4183)

On 09/12/2010 at 10:29pm - intimacy - by nickim756 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495 (282)

I agree, your life sucks (32427) - you deserved it (8887)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

#12337328 (212)

I agree, your life sucks (18801) - you deserved it (25605)

On 08/05/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by JDLAX1924 - United States

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

#9643258 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (31422) - you deserved it (5835)

On 04/05/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Hate2Date (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

#8797519 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (3572) - you deserved it (13335)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:34am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

#7340967 (135)

I agree, your life sucks (16518) - you deserved it (2352)

On 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was nervous as hell for my driving test. The instructor told me to drive a straight line in reverse. I forgot to put the car in reverse from drive and drove straight into a parked vehicle. Which happened to be owned by the instructor. FML

#7290738 (47)

I agree, your life sucks (7247) - you deserved it (15117)

On 01/11/2010 at 11:03pm - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was watching Pokémon with my daughter when she told me that I reminded her of her favorite Pokémon. Feeling good about it, I asked which one. She pointed to the screen and said "Snorlax!" The fat and lazy one. FML

#6310679 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (21255) - you deserved it (5315)

On 11/15/2009 at 8:45am - kids - by dessaye (woman) - Singapore

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

#6285234 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (17486) - you deserved it (4297)

On 11/13/2009 at 7:57am - misc - by joeheathen (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML

#4308181 (309)

I agree, your life sucks (21849) - you deserved it (59838)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)