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candiicane

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candiicane
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 931
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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candiicane's favorite FMLs

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11630) - you deserved it (51478) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, my fiancé's mother tried to arrange a marriage for him to a nice Indian girl, again. We've been engaged for a year, and the wedding is in a month. FML

#19460687
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24564) - you deserved it (1778)

On 04/13/2012 at 10:12am - love - by Beth (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML

#19399139
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5084) - you deserved it (30134)

On 04/03/2012 at 1:13am - misc - by Wannabees (woman) - Canada

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

#18973351
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32020) - you deserved it (3100)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm - money - by zobara - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

#18813229
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27163) - you deserved it (22098)

On 01/15/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by joeshmoe - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me until I heard, "Honey, what did you make me for dinner?" FML

#15986605
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33595) - you deserved it (3461)

On 04/30/2011 at 2:27am - love - by greenintheface - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

#15109555
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43547) - you deserved it (18473)

On 02/25/2011 at 12:12am - intimacy - by greenchan (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

#14610613
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38060) - you deserved it (25746) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my fencing team took pictures for the yearbook. We were having individual pictures with our weapons, and it was my turn. When the photographer told me to pose, I tried to be super cool by quickly putting my sabre against my chest like some sort of soldier. I poked myself in the eye. FML

#14051291
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5750) - you deserved it (28218)

On 12/01/2010 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

#12598629
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42349) - you deserved it (12467)

On 08/18/2010 at 2:23am - intimacy - by ...thanks honey - United States (California)

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss' office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

#7671025
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28942) - you deserved it (4095)

On 01/29/2010 at 10:33am - work - by boredatwork (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24251) - you deserved it (88192)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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