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caliclaire

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caliclaire

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  • Number of visits : 209
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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caliclaire's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60011) - you deserved it (6913)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

#20455481
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27530) - you deserved it (4565)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

#20445318
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22538) - you deserved it (1757)

On 01/06/2013 at 7:50pm - misc - by HatedGrandson - United States

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12776) - you deserved it (42019)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

#20423697
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50466) - you deserved it (3537)

On 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by gaggin - United States (California)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15128) - you deserved it (34981)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

#20408486
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37002) - you deserved it (4267)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

#20406748
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33098) - you deserved it (19036)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ayye_its_nikki - United States (Texas)

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

#20168405
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38088) - you deserved it (5667)

On 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by besviken (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

#20160393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25278) - you deserved it (7550)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

#20147554
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23583) - you deserved it (2792)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by i fking love docb - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

#20136351
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29630) - you deserved it (2399)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25381) - you deserved it (6580)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States



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