caesari

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Offline (the 09/16/2015 at 11:43pm)

caesari

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 14 March 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 514
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About caesari : I like funny.

caesari's page activity

Visits<b>Meriwether</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 12:59am<b>aaliyahmlp</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 7:30pm<b>lil_c_03</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 6:49pm<b>watermelon1</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 5:15pm<b>byEyecandy</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 8:28pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 9:06pm<b>BrownTaco</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 9:50am<b>iYoloSwag</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 3:31am<b>scottishchris</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 2:06am<b>Ilmoran</b> - the 09/30/2013 at 11:35pm<b>HairyPunisher</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 9:33am<b>timotay</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 11:48am<b>mcm_3</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 10:24pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 8:16pm<b>Dany93</b> - the 03/22/2013 at 4:45pm<b>Ramell</b> - the 03/22/2013 at 1:46pm<b>grogers311</b> - the 03/22/2013 at 12:13pm<b>Thatonemikeguy</b> - the 03/22/2013 at 12:05pm

caesari's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of caesari's badges

caesari's favorite FMLs

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

by HSampsON / 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm / Niger (Niamey) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

by coldstar / 07/18/2013 at 5:06am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2013 at 9:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

by reedcarter / 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

by FlyingFist / 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 1:50am / United States / Work

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

by justlittleoldme / 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML

by Uncircumcised Penis / 07/24/2012 at 5:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

by homersgirl / 09/30/2009 at 4:28am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy