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cLaAaNdEsTiNe

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cLaAaNdEsTiNe

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  • Number of visits : 2188
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

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cLaAaNdEsTiNe's page activity

Visits<b>accidentalsheep</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 3:45am<b>TheC00lCat</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 3:24pm<b>Rozay333</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 7:08am<b>ILoveHashtags</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 1:49am<b>annabanana0328</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 1:40pm<b>tralala453</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 1:11pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 09/01/2009 at 4:36pm<b>hellomynameisril</b> - the 08/21/2009 at 10:49pm<b>kayla_f_babyyy</b> - the 08/20/2009 at 4:59pm<b>prplr</b> - the 08/20/2009 at 3:52pm

cLaAaNdEsTiNe's FML badges

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cLaAaNdEsTiNe's favorite FMLs

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

#4696975
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58762) - you deserved it (3400)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

#4678208
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15560) - you deserved it (43086)

On 08/20/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML

#4663591
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48412) - you deserved it (10329)

On 08/19/2009 at 7:43pm - health - by Rainbow92 (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

#4619260
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73764) - you deserved it (5887)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

#4570183
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60239) - you deserved it (4498)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

#4555175
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43843) - you deserved it (21027)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML

#4523157
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58459) - you deserved it (4877)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

#4523037
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51887) - you deserved it (3436)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by haha247 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

#4359063
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45886) - you deserved it (7644)

On 08/07/2009 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML

#4144889
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19056) - you deserved it (47001)

On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

#4142743
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11906) - you deserved it (70043)

On 07/29/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

#4127495
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16230) - you deserved it (47101)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Nikse (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML

#4001107
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41633) - you deserved it (5350)

On 07/24/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by umbrella (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

#4000566
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40291) - you deserved it (4170)

On 07/24/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML

#3945236
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59906) - you deserved it (6309)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by vomitingnow (man) - United States



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