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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30843) - you deserved it (99808)
On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today , I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off. My friend, pissed, makes me split the money saying its collateral for the gas money used to get us there. He then uses his 10 dollars on a scratch off, and wins 500 dollars. The jackass wouldnt split it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84112) - you deserved it (10629)
On 04/13/2009 at 4:51am - misc - by AJShow80 - United States
Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML
I agree, your life sucks (102652) - you deserved it (4970)
On 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by suckstobeme (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56392) - you deserved it (5814)
On 04/09/2009 at 10:15pm - misc - by ZachooMackoo (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38890) - you deserved it (37469)
On 04/03/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (102628) - you deserved it (14279)
On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML
I agree, your life sucks (166189) - you deserved it (25833)
On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64285) - you deserved it (4708)
On 03/24/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Mkester - United States (California)
Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25166) - you deserved it (55657)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (255612) - you deserved it (35242)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
I agree, your life sucks (99603) - you deserved it (8813)
On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)
Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54338) - you deserved it (15136)
On 03/08/2009 at 7:57pm - misc - by poop - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5685) - you deserved it (63011)
On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
I agree, your life sucks (20674) - you deserved it (34986)
On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60703) - you deserved it (2631)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by joAnne (woman) - United States
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