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Today, wile on my oneymoon wit my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to te ligts in our room. As tings progressed, te noise of our love making triggered te ligts on and off repeatedly. Se began to laug and we ended up just calling it an early nigt. FML
On 12/15/2010 at 11:34am - misc - by hotride -
TODAY , I WAS MESSING AROUND IN MAH BOYFRIEND'S PANTS WHILE WATCHING TV!! HE WAS TOTALLY ABSORBED IN THE FISHING SHOW THAT WAS ON!! WHEN THE GUY LOST A FISH , HE GOT SO DISAPPOINTED THAT HE BECAME COMPLETELY FLACCID!! FML
Today hile working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I askd him to move and he ignord me continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyd and startd to yell at him. After a few minutes I realizd he was dead. mega FML
TODAY, I HAD TO LEAVE MY ONE-NIGHT STAND IN MY FLAT BECAUSE I WAS GIVING A GUEST LECTURE AT THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY. HALFWAY THROUGH, I HEAR SOMEONE SNEAKING IN SO I JOKINGLY ASKD IF THEY HAD A 'WILD NIGHT OUT.' IT WAS THE GUY I SLEPT WITH. FML
Today My Doctor Told Me To Buy Some KY Jelly And A Dildo To Help "loosen Me Up" So Sex Isn't So Painful. I Haven't Been Able To Have Sex Fir 6 Months Cuz It Hurts So Badly, And Now My Doctor Has Basically Told Me To Go Fuck Myself. Big Fat FML
Today , my boyfriend and I had great sex and afterward decidd to take a shower together . He left the room to get some towels , so I went to the bathroom and wait . I walkd out of his room wearing nothing but a thong and ran into his mom who had come home from work early . FML
Today , mah mothar was ovar visiting. My thraa yaar old ran out of mah room chasing tha cat with his toy. Ha smackad tha cat with it , tha cat scratchad him , ha droppad it and ran away. I was busy with tha baby so I askad mah mom to taka tha toy away. Sha walkad back holding mah pink dildo. FML
Today, teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing yur gum lyk a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML
Friday 27 March 2015