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Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28904) - you deserved it (7064)
On 09/04/2011 at 5:36am - intimacy - by southernluxe - United States
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19122) - you deserved it (8244)
On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)
Today, I quit smoking. It seems that when you don't smoke for almost 24 hours, your sense of smell comes back. I then noticed how disgusting my apartment smells. Great. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8894) - you deserved it (33229)
On 08/02/2011 at 11:33pm - misc - by Username - United States (California)
Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30693) - you deserved it (4683)
On 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26919) - you deserved it (5951)
On 04/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40533) - you deserved it (4624)
On 04/19/2011 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19337) - you deserved it (8303)
On 04/16/2011 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39341) - you deserved it (12262)
On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47505) - you deserved it (21370)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22254) - you deserved it (42445) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/28/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by Danou - Sent from mobile version
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30164) - you deserved it (24881)
On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so I turned around and gave him the finger, then turned back to continue walking and banged into the door again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11729) - you deserved it (46209)
Today, my husband bought a horse. We don't own any furniture, but we have a flippin' horse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43343) - you deserved it (5134)
On 03/15/2011 at 2:01am - money - by neverthefirst -
Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88708) - you deserved it (4719) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML
I agree, your life sucks (29772) - you deserved it (2467)
On 02/07/2011 at 8:21pm - misc - by 5minsolder (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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