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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4844) - you deserved it (59394)
On 05/23/2009 at 2:20am - misc - by beavis - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10601) - you deserved it (45244)
On 05/23/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by onlyme (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (165114) - you deserved it (14429)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to a chinese restaurant with my asian girlfriend. When she went into the bathroom I practiced saying "Can we have sex" in chinese which is where she is from. After saying it a few times out loud, a waiter walked by and stared at me. When he gave me the check he included his number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17481) - you deserved it (50162)
On 05/22/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49952) - you deserved it (2867)
On 05/22/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Neverthebride - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML
I agree, your life sucks (45843) - you deserved it (8351)
On 05/22/2009 at 3:27pm - love - by Invisible (woman) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)
Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27214) - you deserved it (9456)
On 05/22/2009 at 10:08am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37263) - you deserved it (2044)
On 05/22/2009 at 4:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53445) - you deserved it (2283)
On 05/22/2009 at 4:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went dirtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control and flipped over my handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruises and a crescent-shaped gash on my neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if my boyfriend and I were being frisky last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32022) - you deserved it (6478)
On 05/22/2009 at 12:39am - health - by crash (woman) - United States
Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37752) - you deserved it (8981)
On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25901) - you deserved it (5891)
On 05/21/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by StellarSapience (man) - United States (California)
Today, I kissed my husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to my husband "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (50769) - you deserved it (2642)
On 05/21/2009 at 8:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75250) - you deserved it (35493)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16806) - you deserved it (62563)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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