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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (462010) - you deserved it (573931)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22609) - you deserved it (30979)
On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21708) - you deserved it (35691)
On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18232) - you deserved it (84951)
On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25913) - you deserved it (66090)
On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43952) - you deserved it (7463)
On 03/02/2009 at 12:52am - kids - by alejita (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14314) - you deserved it (38053)
On 03/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by legit (man) - United States (California)
Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47584) - you deserved it (9041)
On 03/01/2009 at 5:04pm - misc - by Ashley J. (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85871) - you deserved it (192325)
On 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm - love - by MrCanoe (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I got a phone call from my mother asking me if I was okay. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She then told me that my boyfriend had broken up with me, and she just wanted to make sure I was handling it alright. I had to find out my relationship was over from my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62042) - you deserved it (2451)
On 03/01/2009 at 3:02pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16292) - you deserved it (43185)
On 03/01/2009 at 3:00pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55614) - you deserved it (324295)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45289) - you deserved it (7671)
On 02/25/2009 at 2:25am - work - by yawho (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)
Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82017) - you deserved it (5313)
On 02/24/2009 at 10:21pm - animals - by sammatthews2007 (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (90942) - you deserved it (3842)
On 02/24/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Rich (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 20 May 2013
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