btf420

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btf420

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 20 October 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1452
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About btf420 : tattoos, piercings, and music are my life. motionless in white is my all time favorite band and they inspired my first tattoo with their lyrics :3 if you want to know more or just wanna chat, feel free to message me

btf420's page activity

Visits<b>hatebreeder666</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 7:15am<b>zdane</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 9:05am<b>CrystalCrew124</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:12pm<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 6:36pm<b>tuckit</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 10:12pm<b>umerin</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 12:28am<b>Thorvald22</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 4:12pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 5:10pm<b>Cheeser_Cheese</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 12:35am<b>krupa1017</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 2:38pm<b>ChloeFrance</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 10:07am<b>ionab101</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 11:29pm<b>ashkwalliy</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 4:37pm<b>waitwhatsgoingon</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:48am<b>hetajdna</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 10:22pm<b>atl904</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 10:01pm<b>brittany2230</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 7:17pm<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 10:14am

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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

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btf420's favorite FMLs

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

by ShadowBox / 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 10:05am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 12:43am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

by lonely girl / 03/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

by Raiden / 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (Barnsley) / Love

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

by shittysongs / 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

by mypelvishurts / 02/23/2013 at 2:32am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML

by hé merde / 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

by arse of fire :( / 02/22/2013 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Slough) / Health

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

by SadExperiment / 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

by shootme / 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm / Canada / Miscellaneous