btf420

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btf420

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 20 October 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1629
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About btf420 : tattoos, piercings, and music are my life. motionless in white is my all time favorite band and they inspired my first tattoo with their lyrics :3 if you want to know more or just wanna chat, feel free to message me

btf420's page activity

Visits<b>hatebreeder666</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 7:15am<b>zdane</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 9:05am<b>CrystalCrew124</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:12pm<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 6:36pm<b>tuckit</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 10:12pm<b>umerin</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 12:28am<b>Thorvald22</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 4:12pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 5:10pm<b>Cheeser_Cheese</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 12:35am<b>krupa1017</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 2:38pm<b>ChloeFrance</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 10:07am<b>ionab101</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 11:29pm<b>ashkwalliy</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 4:37pm<b>waitwhatsgoingon</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:48am<b>hetajdna</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 10:22pm<b>atl904</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 10:01pm<b>brittany2230</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 7:17pm<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 10:14am

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Who’s the fairest of them all?

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btf420's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 11:34am / United States / Intimacy

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

by crunknasty / 03/30/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

by anon / 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm / United States / Health

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

by bobthenun / 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

by chickenmcnuggetgirl / 03/18/2013 at 2:10pm / Ireland (Meath) / Intimacy

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

by Susan / 03/18/2013 at 4:59am / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

by Cliché... or Touché? / 03/17/2013 at 5:07am / Intimacy

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

by fmlman / 03/15/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

by guy / 03/15/2013 at 1:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend got angry and threatened to dump me, all because I wouldn't give in to his demands not to go to a birthday sleepover with my friends. He seriously thinks it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy and that I'll cheat on him. Thanks, PornHub. FML

by wow / 03/14/2013 at 11:43am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love