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Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35516) - you deserved it (8612)
On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (14073) - you deserved it (66853)
On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12839) - you deserved it (34940)
On 02/24/2011 at 7:37pm - misc - by verasam01 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42547) - you deserved it (33108)
On 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24118) - you deserved it (3266)
On 02/12/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16778) - you deserved it (2133)
On 01/20/2011 at 1:01am - intimacy - by welly223 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23021) - you deserved it (2582) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 11:46am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically. She gave me a really weird expression and moved quickly away from me. Then I realised that I only knew her because I had stalked her Facebook once. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6252) - you deserved it (36343)
On 12/29/2010 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32606) - you deserved it (6433)
On 12/23/2010 at 3:18am - intimacy - by David H. -
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25031) - you deserved it (3601)
On 11/27/2010 at 9:17pm - health - by fulloshit - United States (Washington)
Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7009) - you deserved it (25558)
On 11/24/2010 at 8:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47358) - you deserved it (6504)
On 11/13/2010 at 2:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. Shes on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53715) - you deserved it (7015)
On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28009) - you deserved it (2966)
On 10/26/2010 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Deidle-dee - United States
Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21343) - you deserved it (2857)
On 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - United States (Texas)
Friday 24 May 2013
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