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Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Jennandco / 04/28/2015 at 1:23am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/24/2015 at 9:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/02/2015 at 11:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by weirdthingtosay / 11/21/2014 at 4:56am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by gettinghotinhere / 10/17/2014 at 2:29pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 5:07pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
by Operation Yewtree here I come / 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
Today, I let my dog outside to play. He shat on three cars, played dead in the middle of the street, and chased my neighbors' cat into a pool. When he came back into the house, he had a note taped to his back saying "IOU 1 lawsuit". FML
by Teu_much / 06/09/2014 at 10:33pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by ouch / 03/02/2014 at 3:44am / United States (Iowa) / Love