God gave us two eyes, two ears, two arms
two legs, two feet, two hands, but he only
gave us one heart. youu know why? because
he gave the other one to someone else and
♥ its ♥ our ♥ job ♥ to ♥ find ♥ it ♥
now understanding of the simple fact that the more you're with someone, the more flaws arise. some aren't bad, but others ruin everything.
Today, I was trying to write an essay for school while sleep deprived. After getting 7 pages into it, I crashed face-first onto the keyboard and slept for 20 minutes. When I woke up, my essay was nothing more than a blank document. My face had been pressing the Backspace button the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9418) - you totally deserved it (17398)
On 11/10/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by IHateYouBackspace (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19635) - you totally deserved it (1055)
On 11/10/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my fiance was performing oral on me. I was really getting into it, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. When asked, he confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8160) - you totally deserved it (1841)
On 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1665) - you totally deserved it (8949)
On 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by pummy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11990) - you totally deserved it (2112)
On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4944) - you totally deserved it (56563)
On 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34435) - you totally deserved it (2498)
On 07/01/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by Liz (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was playing paintball when I noticed a 9 year old fat kid sitting and crying on the ground. Thinking he'd fallen and was hurt, I walked over to him. He looks up and shoots me in the face, arm, stomach, and happy sacks area from 4 feet away then runs off. He was not hurt at all, and now everything tastes like paint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33302) - you totally deserved it (4812)
On 06/09/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Woody - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I called my girlfriend to ask her to the movies. She declined and said she was sick and was going to sleep. Wanting to see the movie, I invited my mom and we went. My mom then pointed out my "sick" girlfriend making out with a guy. My mom threw a full bag of popcorn at her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74973) - you totally deserved it (2374)
On 06/07/2009 at 1:35am - love - by Reject3d (man) - United States (California)
Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we proceeded to have sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell your faking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (68267) - you totally deserved it (29405)
On 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by MrAwsum (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (136196) - you totally deserved it (21623)
On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (216154) - you totally deserved it (238600)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
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