brittney247251

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brittney247251

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  • Number of visits : 194
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Judgmental

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brittney247251's favorite FMLs

Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

by 0stvn0 / 03/15/2012 at 9:18pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

by StinkyandStupid / 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

by Laviolette / 02/23/2012 at 5:01pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

by wobble... / 02/23/2012 at 6:29am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2012 at 10:45am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML

by elite / 01/19/2012 at 4:59pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm / United States / Work

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend told me over MSN that her father had died. Trying to express some solidarity, I went to send her a tearful smiley. I accidentally sent her the dancing pig animation instead. FML

by Kevin / 12/29/2011 at 2:32pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

by anne / 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

by LogicalMolly / 12/13/2011 at 12:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

by flowerchildd2 / 12/12/2011 at 6:17pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 10:51pm / United States / Love