Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

brewmasterg

Online | Search for a member

brewmasterg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4087
  • Number of comments : 119
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

brewmasterg's page activity

Visits<b>Mindset</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 12:44am<b>olivetree172</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 5:27pm<b>Rajafashaneshi</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 4:36pm<b>soveryunoriginal</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 2:37am<b>Mads_1234</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 9:42pm<b>PotatoUnicorn</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 12:10am<b>timotay89</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:12pm<b>PassiveAggresive</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 6:04pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:39pm<b>inner_peace</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 2:47am<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 7:36pm<b>zBerryz</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 2:19am<b>Sweet_Visions</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:17am<b>sexyboi1985</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 5:10am<b>blazerman</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 5:44am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 12:14am<b>andy594328</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 12:18pm<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 10:16pm

brewmasterg's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of brewmasterg's badges

brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

#21054632
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38916) - you deserved it (4753)

On 02/08/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by vey (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35866) - you deserved it (40320)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49246) - you deserved it (4969)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

#21050194
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53798) - you deserved it (6638)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

#21046250
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36595) - you deserved it (2958)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:46pm - work - by fuckfuck (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46984) - you deserved it (4009)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

#21044324
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49875) - you deserved it (5384)

On 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm - love - by riiiight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

#21040628
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22385) - you deserved it (41858)

On 01/26/2014 at 1:20pm - misc - by shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44561) - you deserved it (9221)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24107) - you deserved it (47543)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45864) - you deserved it (16669)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

#21037332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36864) - you deserved it (4636)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

#21036979
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42705) - you deserved it (14649)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:53am - misc - by MarBlu - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

#21035364
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50408) - you deserved it (5550)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:59pm - love - by FacebookStrikesAgain (man) - Puerto Rico



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: