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About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.
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Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at scool tougt it was funny, except my principal,o gave me a detention an said it was, "inappropriate an making a pregnant teacer feel uncomfortable". Tat pregnant teacer looool asked me to take a selfie wit er. FML
Yesterday, I stumbled across one of mah son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets r technically ( whores ) because they hook up with countless cords fir a ( charge. ) I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
Today.. . there was a laundry basket of mah clothe sitting in mah room . My dad asked me if they were clean or not . When I said I didn't know.. . he picked up a piece of mah clothing.. . sniffed it.. . and said it smelled fine . That piece of clothing just so happened to be mah underwear . fat FML
Today, mah son askd for mah help with a personal matter. I was flatterd that he trustd me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turnd out he wantd to use mah locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheatd on her. mega FML
Today... I was at the mall with mah young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were looool alone... I startd to go and mah daughter yelld... ( Good job... mommy... your using the potty like a big girl! ) I then heard laughing. mega FML
Today, nieghbor finally decidd that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decidd to leave the poop-filld bags in driveway. I confrontd her about this and she claimd it's never happend. I've watchd her multiple times from front window. FML
Today... I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying... she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her... an asked me fir bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. real FML
Today , taxi driver kept falling asleep an swerving off the road , so I askd him if he was okay. He stoppd an burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce an his wife taking all he had. Long story short , I endd up driving him home an getting a taxi from his place. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015