Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

brewmasterg

Online | Search for a member

brewmasterg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4759
  • Number of comments : 121
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

brewmasterg's page activity

Visits<b>Just_A_Tree</b> - yesterday at 6:15pm<b>adamrjprice</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 9:10am<b>officiallatina</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 1:20am<b>SkittlesGoRawr</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 10:48pm<b>mysteryguy3039</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 8:03am<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 4:24am<b>tallwhiteguy96</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 1:59am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 1:00pm<b>xLIGHTS</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 3:16pm<b>AmericaAmurka</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 3:40pm<b>Deadpool47</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 9:12am<b>starcaller17</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 1:07am<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 9:49pm<b>DeathcoreDoge</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 10:19pm<b>totallybananas</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 6:34am<b>TheDarkKnight34</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 12:19am<b>ironhead</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 6:01pm<b>CoGhostRider</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 5:34pm

brewmasterg's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of brewmasterg's badges

brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

#17708928
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28693) - you deserved it (3785)

On 09/10/2011 at 1:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was serving an incredibly rude woman at work. The ladder I had used to get her two pairs of shoes came crashing down, and hit my face and neck. She only bought one pair, and ten minutes later returned them after complaining they were too expensive. FML

#17687215
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25734) - you deserved it (2312)

On 09/07/2011 at 7:55am - work - by minimoonpie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

#17668852
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28073) - you deserved it (4240)

On 09/05/2011 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML

#17658715
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40116) - you deserved it (2048)

On 09/04/2011 at 2:09am - misc - by Pool-less - United States (Missouri)

Today, in a queue to the ATM, a hot girl was standing in front of me. The girl's boyfriend grabbed her ass. She turned around and slapped me. FML

Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML

#17617939
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27641) - you deserved it (3354)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I broke my right leg. I've had one shot of morphine, and even that only relieved the pain a little. It's now totally worn off and I have yet to get pain medication of any kind. My leg has been broken for over nine hours now. FML

#17592683
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27212) - you deserved it (3740)

On 08/27/2011 at 4:12am - health - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

#17584361
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35642) - you deserved it (2672)

On 08/26/2011 at 7:09am - love - by j_babydoll6520 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

#17583056
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33731) - you deserved it (8904)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:28am - love - by justmyluck - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML

#17572437
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8133) - you deserved it (22785)

On 08/24/2011 at 10:07pm - misc - by josie345 - United States

Today, I burned my tongue. With a flat iron. FML

#17544940
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8167) - you deserved it (51577)

On 08/22/2011 at 2:43am - health - by heheheh - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

#17531478
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26526) - you deserved it (2149)

On 08/20/2011 at 7:02pm - misc - by lala7 - United States

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

#17529546
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26040) - you deserved it (5763)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:26pm - work - by ChePow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the movies. I was seated next to a woman who talked through the film and said: "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

#17527301
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32670) - you deserved it (2707)

On 08/20/2011 at 5:54am - misc - by RensM (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

#17525385
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27827) - you deserved it (2441)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:44am - misc - by anonymous22kittylicklick (woman) - United States (New York)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: