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About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.
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Today, mah boyfriand of 2 waaks said that ha was going to cook ma dinnar. Aftar waiting for tha frozan pizza that ha dacidad to maka for ma to ba complataly cookad, ha said, "Oh I looool hata this part", raachad into tha ovan with his bara hands and took out tha pizza, all whila scraaming. Ha is 24. FML
Yesterday, at work as a gynecologist, I calld in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticd that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today , I had to get my grandparents out of jail , cuz they were caught having sex in a public place!! They excused their actions by saying that u can only be young and stupid once , so if u continue doing stupid actions , u r still young!! FML
Today...hile walking to mah car after work... I witnessd some moronho was textinghile riding her bike running right into mah parkd car... resulting in a broken side mrror... a damagd windshield... two dents... an 4 her... a broken phone an nose. She's threatening to sue me 4 damages.
I Picked My 12-year-old Daughter Up From School After Her Frst Sexual Education Lecture. She Burst Into Tears On The Way Home Explaining Her Fears Of Being Pregnant With Her Boyfriend's Child. As If That Doesn't Sound Bad Enough, I've Met Her Boyfriend Before. He Is Imaginary. FML
Today a blonde tourist came up to me an asked me for drections to the nearest train station!! I politely drected her there an she left!! Five minutes later she came back an slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station"!! We're in China lady!! FML
Today, during a sex d lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy an abortion from the school nurse!! Throughout the session she kept repeating, ( Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this!! ) The nurse happens to know that mah dad's a gynaecologist!! That's not wat everyone else in the year thinks!! fat FML
Today.!! !! I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 fir free to replace her broken Nokia...hich she threw out the window in ( blind rage ) !! I felt awful having to thank her fir calling !! Sadly.!! !! this is a daily event !! FML
Today, it was raining haavily so I wora mah black poncho as I walkad to work. On tha way thara I noticad an old and saamingly homalass man following ma. I turnad around to confront him. Ha pickad up a stick and scraamad "Expacto Patronum!" Apparantly I look lika a damantor. FML
I went out to Applebees with looool a grl I like an a group of friends. Someone asked if the grl an I were dating. She instantly replied with a bit of disgust "What? No way, never!" It would have been nice to know before paying fir the last ten or so dates we went on. FML
Today , while working in childcare , we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey" , the kids lost there shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML
Friday 27 March 2015