Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

brewmasterg

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

brewmasterg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4065
  • Number of comments : 119
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

brewmasterg's page activity

Visits<b>Mindset</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 12:44am<b>olivetree172</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 5:27pm<b>Rajafashaneshi</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 4:36pm<b>soveryunoriginal</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 2:37am<b>Mads_1234</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 9:42pm<b>PotatoUnicorn</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 12:10am<b>timotay89</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:12pm<b>PassiveAggresive</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 6:04pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:39pm<b>inner_peace</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 2:47am<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 7:36pm<b>zBerryz</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 2:19am<b>Sweet_Visions</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:17am<b>sexyboi1985</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 5:10am<b>blazerman</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 5:44am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 12:14am<b>andy594328</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 12:18pm<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 10:16pm

brewmasterg's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of brewmasterg's badges

brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

#19884123
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33629) - you deserved it (2257)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:36am - misc - by needmorelocks - United States (California)

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

#19881978
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21490) - you deserved it (2414)

On 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm - kids - by Sh*t (woman) - Venezuela (Distrito Federal)

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

#19821564
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20730) - you deserved it (4206)

On 06/20/2012 at 11:44pm - misc - by thesmartone - United States

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21825) - you deserved it (5791)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work when a co-worker decided it would be funny to email me from my boss's computer to tell me I had been laid off. It wasn't funny when I was fired for real after "skipping work without giving notice." FML

#19805072
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29266) - you deserved it (2067)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:39am - work - by Adam Jensen - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37173) - you deserved it (3998)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12080) - you deserved it (25718)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML

#19786105
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25521) - you deserved it (4406)

On 06/14/2012 at 7:26am - misc - by ouch - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I called the landlord about the mouse I keep seeing in my kitchen. He wasted no time accusing me of keeping it as a pet, and went off on me about his "no pets" policy. FML

#19781168
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22028) - you deserved it (1575)

On 06/13/2012 at 8:29am - misc - by brokeass - United States

Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML

#19780392
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25511) - you deserved it (2116)

On 06/13/2012 at 2:13am - misc - by eww - Austria (Wien)

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

#19738484
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27335) - you deserved it (3064)

On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML

#19721854
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27155) - you deserved it (2150)

On 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by huh (woman) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I saw my reflection in the computer screen and I thought I looked quite nice. I tried to take a screenshot. FML

#19712895
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6122) - you deserved it (26116)

On 05/31/2012 at 11:25pm - misc - by Mikaela - United States

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

#19704356
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20054) - you deserved it (2011)

On 05/30/2012 at 12:45pm - kids - by unzucht (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: