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brewmasterg

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brewmasterg
  • Town/Country : Melbourne, Australia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2060
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

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brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

#18531059
182 comments

Today, I called in sick at work because I have the flu. This is my first sick day in the 2 years I've worked there. It's also the day the CEO made a surprise visit. My co-workers all got generous salary increases, and some of them promotions. I'm not included, simply because I wasn't there. FML

Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML

#18475909
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19098) - you deserved it (3133)

On 12/10/2011 at 11:45am - misc - by Maggie (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

#18447491
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22704) - you deserved it (2635)

On 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by jackgrant (man) - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13309) - you deserved it (37033)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

#18384979
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8247) - you deserved it (53528)

On 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm - misc - by seanjohn268 (man) - Canada

Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML

#18338380
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11671) - you deserved it (45496)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:19pm - misc - by Andrew - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

#18326133
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22923) - you deserved it (17535)

On 11/23/2011 at 11:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

#18253335
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26608) - you deserved it (2199)

On 11/15/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by SetoAyumi - United States (California)

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

#18249265
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32012) - you deserved it (1641)

On 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm - animals - by Stalked (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

#18234448
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35204) - you deserved it (5504)

On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

#18227248
461 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36290) - you deserved it (2825) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/12/2011 at 10:42am - misc - by Nico - France

Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML

#18206362
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27061) - you deserved it (3347)

On 11/09/2011 at 10:52pm - misc - by Noslo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

#18198042
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27208) - you deserved it (2148)

On 11/08/2011 at 11:06pm - work - by midwesternpetclerk - United States

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

#18085773
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23701) - you deserved it (3182)

On 10/27/2011 at 12:00am - misc - by apparentlyunsexy - United States (Texas)



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