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brewmasterg

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brewmasterg

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4492
  • Number of comments : 120
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

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brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML

#19972921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25498) - you deserved it (1724)

On 07/22/2012 at 2:54am - misc - by Raaaaage - United States (California)

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

#19966963
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25527) - you deserved it (4722)

On 07/21/2012 at 3:40am - intimacy - by Lucy - United States (California)

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21214) - you deserved it (2949)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

#19933084
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25840) - you deserved it (2367)

On 07/13/2012 at 3:08pm - work - by fucking pissants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

#19915477
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5454) - you deserved it (53058)

On 07/09/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by jillie minaj (woman) - United States

Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML

#19914869
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24746) - you deserved it (1975)

On 07/09/2012 at 2:25pm - health - by deadman (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29847) - you deserved it (3572)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

#19894625
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19611) - you deserved it (1826)

On 07/05/2012 at 9:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

#19884123
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33661) - you deserved it (2262)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:36am - misc - by needmorelocks - United States (California)

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

#19881978
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21869) - you deserved it (2457)

On 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm - kids - by Sh*t (woman) - Venezuela (Distrito Federal)

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

#19821564
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20762) - you deserved it (4207)

On 06/20/2012 at 11:44pm - misc - by thesmartone - United States

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21863) - you deserved it (5800)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work when a co-worker decided it would be funny to email me from my boss's computer to tell me I had been laid off. It wasn't funny when I was fired for real after "skipping work without giving notice." FML

#19805072
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29305) - you deserved it (2069)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:39am - work - by Adam Jensen - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37202) - you deserved it (4001)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden



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