About breekittenmitten : My name is Bailey and that's all you need to know about me.
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breekittenmitten's favorite FMLs
Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML
by JJ / 03/21/2016 at 3:06pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/20/2016 at 2:24am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my husband that when I get my birth control taken out later this year, I would like to take a break from it for a while. He just said, "Condoms are too expensive and I don't want to waste $2 every time we do it." FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2016 at 10:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2016 at 3:29am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/18/2016 at 4:56pm / United States / Love
Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML
by mynameisnotstupid / 03/18/2016 at 11:05am / Germany (Bayern) / Work
Today, my girlfriend of two months and I are in completely different points in our lives. She ambushed me with ideas of having kids, getting married and being together forever. Currently, my biggest concern is passing the tenth grade. FML
by NordicNathan / 03/14/2016 at 12:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I started a new job as a receptionist at a nursing home. When two men came in saying, "We're here for Mr. Christensen," I paged him to come to the front desk. Apparently, these men had come from the funeral home to pick up Mr. Christensen's body. I was completely unaware that anyone had died. FML
by alex / 03/13/2016 at 3:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML
by singleasapringle / 03/13/2016 at 1:41am / United States (New York) / Love
by cemakara3 / 03/12/2016 at 3:07pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML
by headinabag33 / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by neveragain / 02/12/2016 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health
Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML
by SK8WITME / 02/12/2016 at 1:22pm / India / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/12/2016 at 5:29am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by aiw14 / 02/12/2016 at 1:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on… Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my… Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he…