Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 11 November 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5655
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About breekittenmitten : My name is Bailey and if you wanna know more message me.

breekittenmitten's page activity

Visits<b>im_a_squid</b> - 21 minutes ago<b>ronenlior</b> - yesterday at 5:54am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 1:37pm<b>chevycop</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 3:07am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 5:39am<b>Miizuo</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 9:48pm<b>ken29</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 3:51pm<b>KabutoSaurusRex</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 7:40am<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 2:52am<b>MrsPegg</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 1:25am<b>idkwyatt</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 5:59pm<b>saocrates</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 5:21pm<b>Markovski</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 10:00am<b>saad2605</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 11:14pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 5:59pm<b>rallison22</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 12:07am<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 1:27am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 10:35am

Fucked!<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 12:33am<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 2:14pm<b>RA91</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 12:48pm<b>hallieee</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 5:21am<b>ShroomSalad</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 10:28pm<b>jjeffriesftw</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 2:26am<b>GrinchFu1</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 4:38am<b>Killer_Spoon</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 10:06pm<b>sandman676</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 4:16am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 12:30pm<b>Mons</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 2:39pm<b>ausmoss123</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 8:16am<b>chandler88</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 5:24am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 9:16am<b>JPjenny</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 1:35pm<b>Markovski</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 8:02am<b>SilkMudah</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 5:32am<b>FuKcMee</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 7:15pm

breekittenmitten's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.


Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of breekittenmitten's badges

breekittenmitten's favorite FMLs

Today, my 5-year-old daughter sobbed inconsolably on my return home from a several-month long deployment to the Middle East. I was touched by her reaction until she blurted out that she wasn't crying because she missed me, but because my shaved head looked scary ugly. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21398) - you deserved it (1610)

On 09/21/2015 at 9:44pm - kids - by LCDRBrownHercules (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend cooked us a romantic dinner using the oven. The oven he recently hid $3,000 in for safekeeping. We essentially just spent thousands of dollars on a casserole. FML

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28217) - you deserved it (2856)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked face first into a near-invisible spiderweb. There's nothing worse than the feeling of a spider web wrapped around your face. Except maybe the feeling of the spider that saw my screaming mouth as a good hiding spot. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22330) - you deserved it (1902)

On 09/20/2015 at 11:00pm - animals - by spiderlady - United States

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML


I agree, your life sucks (24358) - you deserved it (1903)

On 09/20/2015 at 7:59pm - intimacy - by M - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the one guy sitting next to me, and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21574) - you deserved it (10778)

On 09/20/2015 at 11:23am - work - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, the nicest present I received for my 18th birthday was a free razor in the mail. It was then stolen by my mom. FML

Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22190) - you deserved it (2752)

On 09/20/2015 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my wrist. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I am pretty sure mosquito bites are not supposed to start crawling up to your armpit while swelling. FML

Today, my scumfuck brother and his friends spent my baby sister's funeral snickering and telling dead baby jokes to one another. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39139) - you deserved it (1620)

On 09/18/2015 at 11:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28572) - you deserved it (2457)

On 09/18/2015 at 10:56pm - intimacy - by Lady Vulva of the Redwater (woman) -

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21302) - you deserved it (1472)

On 09/18/2015 at 10:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21200) - you deserved it (7784)

On 09/18/2015 at 9:56pm - work - by Joshua Sheldon (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my girlfriend told me she has decided to become a stay-at-home mom for our dog. FML

Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20959) - you deserved it (1659)

On 09/18/2015 at 5:14pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Scarlatine's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Scarlatine's illustrated FML
  • Are your abs well-toned and look like you’re made of metal? Feel like a machine ready to take whatever the crossfit fad can throw at you? Do you scream, ”Bro, do you Even lift?" at people during…

Monday 5 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: