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breathemein's favorite FMLs
Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2009 at 9:16pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML
by getslostinherownhouse / 04/14/2009 at 3:12pm / Spain (Madrid) / Miscellaneous
by Moisdone / 04/14/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by blaise / 04/13/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (New York) / Love
by tool / 04/09/2009 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML
by Nottheprettylady / 04/04/2009 at 9:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 12:14pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Kids
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML
by nic / 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, we were swimming in gym class. There are some cute girls in our class and they were wearing their bikinis. I was looking at them when I got an erection but since I was underwater I thought no one would see. I'm on the diving team so my teacher asked me to demonstrate a dive to the class. FML
by easilyexited / 04/01/2009 at 8:16am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/31/2009 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML
by engaged / 03/29/2009 at 10:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
by lollipopp56 / 03/26/2009 at 2:09am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by blondie / 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love