About breathemein : 18. Boston. Senior
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breathemein's favorite FMLs
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML
by thanksbaby / 06/01/2009 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Love
by bluehairedfreakgirl / 05/31/2009 at 11:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2009 at 1:36pm / Poland (Katowice) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2009 at 9:04am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
by sdasdflkjas / 05/30/2009 at 12:24am / United States / Kids
by AquaRevolver / 05/25/2009 at 6:35am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2009 at 5:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML
by bosssssssss765432 / 05/16/2009 at 11:20am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
by killer / 05/16/2009 at 8:21am / Latvia (Riga) / Animals
by badmom101 / 05/16/2009 at 7:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by TayTay / 05/16/2009 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/15/2009 at 6:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML
by XxespoxX / 05/10/2009 at 10:07pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML
by newdriver / 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
- Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he… Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for… Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him…