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Today, I was eating a hotdog. My huge Siberian Husky, upon becoming aware of this, jumped up on me. He forced his tongue into my mouth and ate the food I was in the middle of eating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13701) - you totally deserved it (3580)
On 03/10/2010 at 8:14pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML
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On 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML
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On 02/27/2010 at 8:32pm - love - by dejected (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boss made me some Tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my number 1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them. FML
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On 02/23/2010 at 12:17am - work - by meaganlea (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML
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On 02/11/2010 at 1:14am - love - by sari14 - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML
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On 02/10/2010 at 7:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML
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On 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML
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On 11/26/2009 at 4:22am - misc - by MouseChaser (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML
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On 11/25/2009 at 1:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I sent a get well card to my friend. it wasn't until after I got home from posting it did I realise that the stamps I put on the envelope had the phrase "Let's Get Active" on them with drawings of people playing sports. My friend is in a wheelchair. FML
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On 11/14/2009 at 5:26pm - health - by Insensitive (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML
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On 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by asthma_attacker (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML
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On 11/14/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML
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On 11/10/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML
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On 10/31/2009 at 7:08am - love - by Anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML
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On 10/24/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Brinty (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
