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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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brandnewkey

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brandnewkey
  • Town/Country : Online, The Web
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 December 1988 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 1046
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About brandnewkey : What a great waste of time.

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brandnewkey's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202 (216)

I agree, your life sucks (27583) - you deserved it (3168)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML

#16064729 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (22116) - you deserved it (4832)

On 05/06/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by goinginsane -

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

#15718627 (352)

I agree, your life sucks (6604) - you deserved it (1465)

On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

#15000344 (224)

I agree, your life sucks (18231) - you deserved it (25572)

On 02/16/2011 at 7:56am - misc - by rhartnett11 -

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

#14990668 (315)

I agree, your life sucks (37074) - you deserved it (9938)

On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML

#14860597 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (10041) - you deserved it (36742)

On 02/06/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

#14596150 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (26783) - you deserved it (5717)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

#14404021 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (26572) - you deserved it (3723)

On 12/31/2010 at 1:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

#14305984 (243)

I agree, your life sucks (31287) - you deserved it (6489)

On 12/23/2010 at 1:36am - intimacy - by nemo518 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at an Aunt's wake, my five year old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

#13635730 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (19770) - you deserved it (2068)

On 10/29/2010 at 4:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324 (343)

I agree, your life sucks (26948) - you deserved it (15288)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

#13274017 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (19820) - you deserved it (3045)

On 10/01/2010 at 7:07am - intimacy - by canispankthat - United States (California)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235 (456)

I agree, your life sucks (22865) - you deserved it (19830)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML

#12978436 (243)

I agree, your life sucks (5965) - you deserved it (25833)

On 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

#10532796 (248)

I agree, your life sucks (34074) - you deserved it (5823)

On 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm - love - by Cheese4men - Canada (Alberta)