About brandnewkey : What a great waste of time.
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brandnewkey's favorite FMLs
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by goinginsane / 05/06/2011 at 3:25am / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/10/2011 at 1:07am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML
by rhartnett11 / 02/16/2011 at 7:56am / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/06/2011 at 12:10am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
by nemo518 / 12/23/2010 at 1:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 4:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
by canispankthat / 10/01/2010 at 7:07am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML
by Cheese4men / 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…