brandnewkey

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brandnewkey

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 December 1988 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3047
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About brandnewkey : What a great waste of time.

brandnewkey's page activity

Visits<b>iYodah</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 10:15am<b>Poyzin7323</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 8:46pm<b>hafyyyy</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 9:05am<b>cxsuzanne</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 4:20pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 10:47am<b>03stroker03</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 12:40pm<b>letmetalkplease</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 8:42pm<b>noctali_Solstice</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 7:37pm<b>hard_candy</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 6:27am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 6:11pm<b>mip_92</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 9:46pm<b>timotay89</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 10:08pm<b>quinny_1024</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 10:21pm<b>TheFirstHipster</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 7:42pm<b>Jess817</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 8:43am<b>Shaifhirboosh</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 11:24am<b>naxeeb</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 4:48am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 4:34am

brandnewkey's FML badges

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Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

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brandnewkey's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML

by goinginsane / 05/06/2011 at 3:25am / Miscellaneous

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2011 at 1:07am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

by rhartnett11 / 02/16/2011 at 7:56am / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2011 at 12:10am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2010 at 1:21am / Intimacy

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

by nemo518 / 12/23/2010 at 1:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, at an Aunt's wake, my five year old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 4:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

by canispankthat / 10/01/2010 at 7:07am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

by Username / 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm / Kids

Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

by Cheese4men / 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love