About bradley5055 : im a university student
ohh im a linguistics major (dont ask what i want to become cuz i dont even know the answer to that question)
also ive read every fml so far
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101309) - you deserved it (7717)
On 04/14/2009 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I made an appointment with a therapist because lately I've been feeling alone and like no one cares about me. I waited at her office for about forty minutes before the receptionist informed me that she must have forgotten about the appointment. I was stood up by even my therapist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75488) - you deserved it (4267)
On 04/14/2009 at 2:41pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45085) - you deserved it (14040)
On 04/14/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57190) - you deserved it (5243)
On 04/14/2009 at 3:50am - misc - by LizLiao (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (549642) - you deserved it (35329)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated and still got a 70. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12520) - you deserved it (57857)
On 04/13/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by snathans (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82921) - you deserved it (3246)
On 04/12/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by spiderhater (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (100828) - you deserved it (3610)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt. I gently brushed it off. She accused me of sexual harassment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42034) - you deserved it (11667)
On 04/11/2009 at 2:41pm - work - by bdawg923 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49417) - you deserved it (7071)
On 04/10/2009 at 4:17am - misc - by missy (woman) - Italy (Toscana)
Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58480) - you deserved it (6060)
On 04/09/2009 at 10:15pm - misc - by ZachooMackoo (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57673) - you deserved it (6628)
On 04/08/2009 at 11:43pm - animals - by BadBreath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (93830) - you deserved it (4010)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15747) - you deserved it (56269)
On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64285) - you deserved it (158490)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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